a guy walked into the board room and said
"hi sweetheart if you could fix me up a coffee real quick im meeting with the regional reports manager in like five minutes, thanks darling"
and i just stared at him and coldly said
"i am the regional reports manager"
we are now twenty minutes into this board meeting and i dont think i’ve ever seen a man look so embarrassed and afraid in my whole life
Graham Norton, Lena Dunham, and Idris Elba help an audience member reply to a text message.
Can every book shop have one of these please?
[tɛlɪkɪˈniːsɪs] nthe movement of objects by scientifically inexplicable means, as by the exercise of an occult power.
“Whosoever holds this hammer, if he be worthy, shall possess the power of Thor. ”
↳ For Jacqueline.
Why does everyone say “house-wife” or “house-husband” when “House-spouse” is not only gender neutral, but also RHYMES?
the prof asks the important questions.
Wait, spouse rhymes with house? I always pronounced it ‘spooze’ in my head /o\ WHY IS YOUR LANGUAGE SO WEIRD!!!
Because English beats up other languages in dark alleys, then rifles through their pockets for loose grammar and spare vocabulary.
I want Robert Pattinson to play a hunter on Supernatural who kills nothing except vampires.
MAKE A PETITION OUT OF THIS
I’M ABOUT 9000 % SURE HE’D DO IT
the best part is that he would fucking love it
HE DOESN’T EVEN HAVE TO PLAY A CHARACTER
HE COULD JUST BE HIMSELF
SO PISSED OFF ABOUT VAMPIRES THAT HE STARTS HUNTING THEM FOR REAL
That moment when something dies inside of you…
i was teaching my grandma to use computer so we can talk on skype and such but today she went kinda mad at me because “i didnt show her the knitting programme” and i was like what
and it comes out she accidentally opened ms excel and found out its a great way to create knitting patterns
my grandma is 82